Two weeks left.
The countdown, which has unofficially been on since I moved to Chicago in August of 2012, is officially on. I have one week left of pharmacy school. Two before graduation. I still can't believe it. To be quite honest, it doesn't feel like I thought it would feel. Don't get me wrong, pharmacy school has been the most difficult thing I have ever done and moving to Chicago sort of compounded that difficulty. But it has also been one of the best things that I have ever done and I know that I will never be the same.
At approximately this time 4 years ago, a couple that I had never met, approached me at an event and told me 2 things:
1) That I carried the joy of the Lord and
2) That the season of life I was entering would be stretching and that I should take heart because when you stretch something, it never goes back to how it was before, and that the same would be true of me.
I am so thankful for reminders that God still uses supernatural means to speak to his kids.
It's crazy because all I wanted while I was in Chicago was to move back to Oregon. It was legitimately ALL I wanted. And now that that is exactly what is happening, I feel scared and sad. Excited, definitely. But also sad because even though I am coming back to familiarity, I feel like the adventurous part of my life is over. I know deep down that isn't true but it kind of feels that way,
I think I am also feeling nervous about being directly confronted with the fact so many people's lives have moved forward and I feel like I have been trapped in a time vacuum while people I love have gotten married, joined the mission field, bought houses, had kids and I have literally gone from one variation of the same crappy car to the next and I am still single as can be. It's a funny thing, singleness. I can go from being super content with my lot in life and my singleness to being depressed and discouraged that God hasn't brought the right person along. Being in Chicago, for the most part, made being single a little bit easier because SO MANY PEOPLE are. Not everyone (obviously), but just enough to where you don't feel like the only one who is. I have been in Oregon for the last 5 weeks and it's crazy how I've gone from contentment to dissatisfaction simply by being here. My emotions don't really make sense and it's frustrating.
My initial instinct is to take matters into my own hands. To try and find someone on my own. Maybe I should try this new dating app, or maybe I should reactivate my OkCupid account. But none of those things feel right. I know that at the end of the day I want the Lord to write my love story (I know that is the cheesiest thing ever to say) but I wish he'd hurry up, you know?
Being single isn't a curse and I am thankful for the growth that I've experienced and for my development into a strong, independent woman. I wouldn't trade that for anything. But sometimes a girl just wants to go on a date. Or wants to have someone pursue her. Or wants to not feel the sting of unrequited affection
BUT. Despite all the confusion and frustration and anxiety...I still dare to hope. Despite not understanding my emotions AT ALL (welcome to being a woman) and feeling like time is actually going way too fast to keep up with...I still dare to hope that the God who has started this good work in my life will be faithful to bring it to completion. Who knows that that will look like? But he has a plan and he is working all things out for my good. He has continually proven that in the past so why would I doubt that he is more than capable of doing the same thing over and over.
At approximately this time 4 years ago, a couple that I had never met, approached me at an event and told me 2 things:
1) That I carried the joy of the Lord and
2) That the season of life I was entering would be stretching and that I should take heart because when you stretch something, it never goes back to how it was before, and that the same would be true of me.
I am so thankful for reminders that God still uses supernatural means to speak to his kids.
It's crazy because all I wanted while I was in Chicago was to move back to Oregon. It was legitimately ALL I wanted. And now that that is exactly what is happening, I feel scared and sad. Excited, definitely. But also sad because even though I am coming back to familiarity, I feel like the adventurous part of my life is over. I know deep down that isn't true but it kind of feels that way,
I think I am also feeling nervous about being directly confronted with the fact so many people's lives have moved forward and I feel like I have been trapped in a time vacuum while people I love have gotten married, joined the mission field, bought houses, had kids and I have literally gone from one variation of the same crappy car to the next and I am still single as can be. It's a funny thing, singleness. I can go from being super content with my lot in life and my singleness to being depressed and discouraged that God hasn't brought the right person along. Being in Chicago, for the most part, made being single a little bit easier because SO MANY PEOPLE are. Not everyone (obviously), but just enough to where you don't feel like the only one who is. I have been in Oregon for the last 5 weeks and it's crazy how I've gone from contentment to dissatisfaction simply by being here. My emotions don't really make sense and it's frustrating.
My initial instinct is to take matters into my own hands. To try and find someone on my own. Maybe I should try this new dating app, or maybe I should reactivate my OkCupid account. But none of those things feel right. I know that at the end of the day I want the Lord to write my love story (I know that is the cheesiest thing ever to say) but I wish he'd hurry up, you know?
Being single isn't a curse and I am thankful for the growth that I've experienced and for my development into a strong, independent woman. I wouldn't trade that for anything. But sometimes a girl just wants to go on a date. Or wants to have someone pursue her. Or wants to not feel the sting of unrequited affection
BUT. Despite all the confusion and frustration and anxiety...I still dare to hope. Despite not understanding my emotions AT ALL (welcome to being a woman) and feeling like time is actually going way too fast to keep up with...I still dare to hope that the God who has started this good work in my life will be faithful to bring it to completion. Who knows that that will look like? But he has a plan and he is working all things out for my good. He has continually proven that in the past so why would I doubt that he is more than capable of doing the same thing over and over.
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