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what do I even title this?

I have so many thoughts that I am trying to process right now. I wish they were pretty and coherent and articulate but they aren’t. They are jumbled and messy and sad…but they are honest. I could probably write a whole series on my feelings haha…but I just can’t bring myself to do that right now.
I think there is so much in our human nature that wants to be optimistic even in the face of overwhelming reasons not to be. Is that a good thing? I don’t know. Like, I know it’s a good thing, but sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth it when you get hit with disappointment after disappointment after disappointment. Sometimes it feels like the disappointments hurt more when preceded by pure, unadulterated hope. I think that any time you go into a new relationship, there is a level of hope that is necessary to take off, right? The belief that maybe THIS could be it. This could be the last first date or whatever. I know that for me, there was never any point at which I felt certain that THIS WAS …

It's ok to not be ok.

I’m not alright, I’m broken inside {broken insiiiiiiiide} If you grew up listening to positive, encouraging, K-LOVE, you likely recognized those words from a Sanctus Real song (and if you don’t, worry not, you aren’t really missing anything). While sometimes I’d like to think that I’ve evolved into this authentic, cool Christian who is obviously too cool for mainstream Christian music, sometimes the Lord chooses to humble you by making you cry with a cheesy Stephen Curtis Chapman ballad circa 1999! I can’t explain it, it just happens sometimes. At any rate, this song has been speaking so deeply to my heart, because it has been a rough season for me lately. I think that a lot of times as Christians, we equate living the “good Christian life” with having everything look good on the outside for people. For me personally, I think that my life probably looks pretty awesome from the outside, and for a while, I was okay with people thinking that it was an accurate portrayal of how I’m really…

Two weeks left.

The countdown, which has unofficially been on since I moved to Chicago in August of 2012, is officially on. I have one week left of pharmacy school. Two before graduation. I still can't believe it. To be quite honest, it doesn't feel like I thought it would feel. Don't get me wrong, pharmacy school has been the most difficult thing I have ever done and moving to Chicago sort of compounded that difficulty. But it has also been one of the best things that I have ever done and I know that I will never be the same.

At approximately this time 4 years ago, a couple that I had never met, approached me at an event and told me 2 things:
1) That I carried the joy of the Lord and
2) That the season of life I was entering would be stretching and that I should take heart because when you stretch something, it never goes back to how it was before, and that the same would be true of me.

I am so thankful for reminders that God still uses supernatural means to speak to his kids.

It's c…

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I'm torn about New Years Resolutions. On the one hand, I love the idea of a NEW year...there is something so fresh about a "clean slate", right? But on the other hand, why do we have to wait for a new year to make changes in our life? Why do I need to wait until Jan 1 to decide to eat better, exercise more, read more, etc? So I have mixed feelings about it.

So I don't know if this counts as a new years resolution, and if it does, whatevs. But I am going to finish at least ONE book in 2016. You may find yourself thinking "Wow, Eva. That's a really modest goal. Aren't you an adult? Aren't you in pharmacy school? Shouldn't you aim a little higher?" Trust me, I know. In 2008, I read all 4 books in the twilight series in ONE WEEK. That's 2,444 pages in one week. What has happened to me?! Pharmacy school. It has somehow managed to simultaneously stimulate and deactivate parts of my brain but that's another story... ANYWAYS. I started readi…

Come at me, 2016 (VLOG)

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i kissed {prince} charming goodbye.

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Hiiiiiii,

For the record, it took me approx 13 tries to remember my login information to this blog. That’s how long it has been since I’ve written on this thing! It’s not that I haven’t had anything fun or exciting to write about…it’s just that the longer it’s been since you’ve done something, the more frightening it can be to get back on the horse, so to speak. Example: my dear friend Adina invited me to go rollerblading with her not too long ago and it’s not that I didn’t love rollerblading, it’s just that it had been like, 15 years since my last attempt. Long story short, it turns out somethings are NOT like riding a bike. Some things do NOT just come back. Muscle memory, it would seem, only goes so far. And I have some new scars to prove it. ANYWAYS.

I didn’t have my first honest-to-goodness date until after I graduated college. When I say honest-to-goodness date I mean there was none of that “is this really a date because yeah, we are eating together but he didn’t pay” or “does t…

|| Ode to October ||

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