i kissed {prince} charming goodbye.
Hiiiiiii,
For the record, it took me approx 13 tries to remember my login information to this blog. That’s how long it has been since I’ve written on this thing! It’s not that I haven’t had anything fun or exciting to write about…it’s just that the longer it’s been since you’ve done something, the more frightening it can be to get back on the horse, so to speak. Example: my dear friend Adina invited me to go rollerblading with her not too long ago and it’s not that I didn’t love rollerblading, it’s just that it had been like, 15 years since my last attempt. Long story short, it turns out somethings are NOT like riding a bike. Some things do NOT just come back. Muscle memory, it would seem, only goes so far. And I have some new scars to prove it. ANYWAYS.
I didn’t have my first honest-to-goodness date until after I graduated college. When I say honest-to-goodness date I mean there was none of that “is this really a date because yeah, we are eating together but he didn’t pay” or “does this count as a date because all we are doing is walking around which is fun but I also do this with my grandma so…” rubbish and nonsense. There was no ambiguity. He came to my house, picked me up, took me to dinner, took me out country dancing, and dropped me off after the evening was over. I mean, I had “hung out” with guys before {haven’t we all}, but that was definitely the first time a guy had been so intentional with me. And it meant a lot. That first real date ended up turning into my first real boyfriend which ultimately ended up turning into my first real heartbreak {if you don’t count the time I got friend-zoned by the curly-haired, New Zealand, mysterious new kid in 4th grade. Tuff tymezzz}.
Since moving to Chicago, I have gone on a few more dates with some really great guys and with some real world class a******s (armpits, obviously). I still remember talking to my best friend about a guy who had seemed sooooo charming at the beginning and I was trying to wrap my mind around how things could have gone so horribly wrong. Her words: “that verse about charm being deceptive and beauty being fleeting should probably have been written about guys too.” RIGHT? I mean girls can be charming but let’s be real guys can be CHAR-MING. So how do we deal?
I believe that the other half of that verse should likewise be applied to men— “ a MAN who fears the Lord should be praised” A man who fears the Lord will in all likelihood display the fruits of the Spirit, all of which are >>>>> being charming.
Now I'm not trying to completely dog charm. According to the internet, delightful, pleasing, agreeable, likable, and endearing are all synonymous with charming. And tbh, none of those things sound terrible. No one is gonna be like "check out this awesome guy I'm dating, they are like, not endearing at all ♥ ". I guess my point is that charm can be kind of like a flower that smells really good, maybe even looks really good, but is actually poisonous. You may be so distracted by the sweet smell of the thing that you begin to overlook other important qualities {like it's poison, for example}. This may not be the best example and I can't even think of a flower that is poisonous but smells good, but I think you catch my meaning. Over the last few years there have been instances where I have allowed my vision to be clouded by a guys charm and it prevented me from being able to see (or take seriously) some major red flags. I think that people that are charming know it and try to use it to their advantage which often times can be to your disadvantage.
So what is my point? My point is that charm may not in and of itself be a bad thing, but it should not be the defining characteristic that sets someone apart or makes them dateable {you can obviously date whoever you want, these are just my opinions}. Don't look for a charming guy (or girl). Look for someone who is fiercely pursuing Jesus. Someone who is filled with the Holy Spirit. Because chances are if he/she has those things going for them, then they'll also be delightful, pleasing, agreeable, likable, and endearing {eg. charming} at the end of the day.
Side note: This particular picture has nothing to do with boys or dating or kissing. I'm aware. I just think that blog posts are better with pictures and I just really like this picture that I took the other day when I went sailing. That's all.
For the record, it took me approx 13 tries to remember my login information to this blog. That’s how long it has been since I’ve written on this thing! It’s not that I haven’t had anything fun or exciting to write about…it’s just that the longer it’s been since you’ve done something, the more frightening it can be to get back on the horse, so to speak. Example: my dear friend Adina invited me to go rollerblading with her not too long ago and it’s not that I didn’t love rollerblading, it’s just that it had been like, 15 years since my last attempt. Long story short, it turns out somethings are NOT like riding a bike. Some things do NOT just come back. Muscle memory, it would seem, only goes so far. And I have some new scars to prove it. ANYWAYS.
I didn’t have my first honest-to-goodness date until after I graduated college. When I say honest-to-goodness date I mean there was none of that “is this really a date because yeah, we are eating together but he didn’t pay” or “does this count as a date because all we are doing is walking around which is fun but I also do this with my grandma so…” rubbish and nonsense. There was no ambiguity. He came to my house, picked me up, took me to dinner, took me out country dancing, and dropped me off after the evening was over. I mean, I had “hung out” with guys before {haven’t we all}, but that was definitely the first time a guy had been so intentional with me. And it meant a lot. That first real date ended up turning into my first real boyfriend which ultimately ended up turning into my first real heartbreak {if you don’t count the time I got friend-zoned by the curly-haired, New Zealand, mysterious new kid in 4th grade. Tuff tymezzz}.
Since moving to Chicago, I have gone on a few more dates with some really great guys and with some real world class a******s (armpits, obviously). I still remember talking to my best friend about a guy who had seemed sooooo charming at the beginning and I was trying to wrap my mind around how things could have gone so horribly wrong. Her words: “that verse about charm being deceptive and beauty being fleeting should probably have been written about guys too.” RIGHT? I mean girls can be charming but let’s be real guys can be CHAR-MING. So how do we deal?
I believe that the other half of that verse should likewise be applied to men— “ a MAN who fears the Lord should be praised” A man who fears the Lord will in all likelihood display the fruits of the Spirit, all of which are >>>>> being charming.
Now I'm not trying to completely dog charm. According to the internet, delightful, pleasing, agreeable, likable, and endearing are all synonymous with charming. And tbh, none of those things sound terrible. No one is gonna be like "check out this awesome guy I'm dating, they are like, not endearing at all ♥ ". I guess my point is that charm can be kind of like a flower that smells really good, maybe even looks really good, but is actually poisonous. You may be so distracted by the sweet smell of the thing that you begin to overlook other important qualities {like it's poison, for example}. This may not be the best example and I can't even think of a flower that is poisonous but smells good, but I think you catch my meaning. Over the last few years there have been instances where I have allowed my vision to be clouded by a guys charm and it prevented me from being able to see (or take seriously) some major red flags. I think that people that are charming know it and try to use it to their advantage which often times can be to your disadvantage.
So what is my point? My point is that charm may not in and of itself be a bad thing, but it should not be the defining characteristic that sets someone apart or makes them dateable {you can obviously date whoever you want, these are just my opinions}. Don't look for a charming guy (or girl). Look for someone who is fiercely pursuing Jesus. Someone who is filled with the Holy Spirit. Because chances are if he/she has those things going for them, then they'll also be delightful, pleasing, agreeable, likable, and endearing {eg. charming} at the end of the day.
Side note: This particular picture has nothing to do with boys or dating or kissing. I'm aware. I just think that blog posts are better with pictures and I just really like this picture that I took the other day when I went sailing. That's all.
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